Fail is a Four-Letter Word

“It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique … No specific job or career goal defines me and it should not define you… Whether you fear it or not disappointment will come. The beauty is that with true disappointment you can gain clarity and with clarity comes true conviction and true originality.” - Conan O'Brien

As a child I wanted to be a writer. I was encouraged in this endeavor. Winning some essay contests, some publications in college, interning at a daily newspaper in college, working freelance for said newspaper, landing a part-time paid job at a bigger local daily newspaper, and eventually (after a divorce, move and re-evaluation of life) landing a full-time reporter job at a weekly newspaper.

When I was fired after only 3 months from my “dream” job of making a living in journalism, I felt robbed. I felt like perhaps my lifelong goals weren’t sufficient. I felt defective. Never mind that journalism was going the way of the buffalo and the printed word was becoming the typed word which will eventually become the telekinesis word, just wait, I have faith.  I was devastated and doubted myself, my abilities and swore off writing saying “I wasn’t good enough.” I worked jobs that were in no way related to my dreams, but they paid the bills which is more than writing ever did for me.

This is going to be my writing outlet. I’m sure there are writers who will snub my accomplishments perhaps I chose love over career. I didn’t fight to write. I didn’t put writing at the forefront in my life and that’s fine. Writers always seem to have an elitist air about them. I’ve watched my short stories get battered down by “veteran,” published writers and I’ve watched editors correct my pieces down to a nub full of errors. Maybe I don’t deserve to be a writer. Writing is glorious and I love it and I can’t see my life without it. I will continue to write and put my musings, thoughts, short stories, ideas, advice and survival on this blog. Hope you can see past my shortcomings.

With failure grows the ability to endure, I’m planting my seeds and trying to weather life’s storms.