Thursday, October 6, 2011

Last Resort (Will Be Continued)

Rough Draft - Be Brutal I need to know if it's worth finishing.





We didn’t know the name of the town. It had long been trampled and shredded by the filthy mass of survivors.  We all called it Last Resort. It was the last town not infected. The military made sure to keep it that way. Once you were in, you felt safe, you felt like things could go back to the way they were. Almost. Helicopters circled all hours. We were all forced to stay in the hotel. No one was allowed to visit or live in the outlying homes from the downtown area. It was a coastal town somewhere in Florida. Parents would walk their children along the beach looking for sea glass and shells. When body parts started washing up on shore, the military forbid going to the beach. Still if you sat on the roof of what was once Taylors Tourist Trap you could watch the sunrise with the snipers and it was beautiful. They put us to work.  I was a cashier at the grocery store. We didn’t use money though, not really. It was more bartering, sometimes just donations. It gave you something to do, kept your hands busy, kept your mind occupied. I was grateful for it. The military stocked our stores and the people of the town would trade for what they wanted or needed. Sometimes people wouldn’t trade and that was okay. We even had a tiny 2-plex that showed old movies. That was where my sister worked. You could leave anytime, just don’t expect to be welcomed back, not without a more rigorous inspection than before. We were canaries in a mine shaft. It was only a matter of time.

In the beginning everyday brought a cattle car of new refugees.  Some we heard the gunshots go off as they were “put down” with infected. The ones who flooded in had horror story upon horror story. Some went crazy. We watched them wail and shake and eventually drown themselves in the water before the beaches were off limits. I think the military saw it as a way of thinning out the herd, no one tried to help these people. More food for us, right? Newcomers slowed to a trickle as the months passed the last few who made it needed medical attention.

It was my little sister, me and my friend Kelly who survived and made it to Last Resort. Our journey wasn’t easy, but no one’s was. We started in Seattle. My little sister was visiting from Hawai’i; my husband was visiting family in Boston. Kelly and I realized quick what was happening, from the first flustered announcement on TV. We hastily packed and went down the street to the supermarket, stocked up on non perishable items, some fruit, veggies and lots of water. The infection hadn’t quite gotten to us yet. We filled up my tank and several additional 5-gallon jugs of gas and headed southeast. From what we could tell on the radio the infection started in Reno, Nevada. The people closest to Reno regained the most function after exposure. They were the most dangerous. As the virus spread the people who were infected furthest from the initial site were slower, easier to deal with. The West coast was off limits for us, too close to the clever infected.

Nene, my little sister was freaking out. She went through stages, denial, anger, total breakdown. We did our best to calm her, but she had a hard time. There was no stopping for or checking on loved ones. We drove through Yellowstone, taking the widest route around Reno.   When we made it down to Texas, we noticed the infected were few and far between the heat dried them out. But one good rain could bring them back.
That was where we met Bubba. He was a biker type we rescued from some ashy infected. They were easy to overcome but Bubba was weak, dehydrated, tired. We shared our supplies. We restocked as much as possible whenever we came across a gas station that wasn’t shutdown or locked up we had a strict protocol. Most times we’d need to turn on the pumps, which meant checking for the infected inside the small food-mart. Nene got blood on her hands and as that soon became the norm, she adjusted surprisingly well. She almost became a commando leader. She was really good at mapping out how to go through a gas station for supplies. A tactical, guerilla guru. On rare occasions, we’d venture into supermarkets. They were big and harder to navigate and flush out the infected.

We were usually pretty well stocked, lots of gas, water and food.  Safety and cautiousness kept us alive and well fed. We had a very good system. One was always in the car and the two went to flush out the area.  We were extremely careful and moved slowly. Never rush. The infected became more sluggish, slow and docile as long roads stretched away from Reno. We nursed Bubba back from dehydration. He was grateful, which was a tad surprising for us, he seemed like such a badass. Too cool for help. But the outbreak changed everyone. People abandoned their faith or renewed it too viciously, abandoned their families, went from hermits to socialites, from human beings to rats.  Bubba was a big help he knew the roads through the barren wasteland of Texas. We avoided major cities.

“Where are we headed?” Bubba asked one day shortly after his rescue.

“Last Resort,” Kelly stated.

“Is that like an actual resort?” He guffawed. I drove mostly, rarely talked. We were all pretty silent after leaving Seattle. We only talked tactics. We didn’t want to dwell on things.

“It’s an outpost the government set up for survivors. It’s on the east coast of northern Florida they said we should follow road signs for Jacksonville then head south.”  My voice sounded mechanical, like I rehearsed the speech over and over in my head, just in case. “It’s the only transmission they’re broadcasting on the radios. Directions.”

I flipped on the radio and a recorded voice rambled off the directions to Last Resort and pleaded with any survivors to head there. There was also information on ways to kill and deal with the infected.

“I see,” said Bubba. “So how do you three know each other and why did you decide to save me?”

We all fell silent. The hardest part of our pilgrimage was seeing the people. We would pass desperate hitchhikers. We’d see gangs of scavenger hooligans attack people on the side of the road. Get them to pull over for a child hitchhiker and then kill them for their car. We didn’t take any chances. We closed our eyes to the tears of people. It was harder than killing the infected.

“We worked together and she’s the driver’s sister,” Kelly said.

“Well, I go by Bubba. Y’all got names?”

“We rescued you,” Kelly continued, “because we watched you for a while. You were ahead of us on the road and we saw when you stopped that you were weakened and alone. Riding a bike like that has got to be exhausting in this heat. When the infected came for you we took a vote, we all said yes to letting you join us.”

There was a pause. Kelly’s speech sounded rehearsed too.

“Well, I appreciate it.”

“I’m Kelly, this is Nene and the driver is Lani.”

“Nice to meet you all, I still cannot thank you enough for what you did for me.”

“I have a feeling you’ll earn your keep if need be,” I said.

We chuckled slightly, for no apparent reason. It just felt good to laugh.

Bubba was thin. You’d think with that name he’d be a lumbering large guy. But he was thin probably 30, rugged, dark skin and hair but green eyes. The dark skin was probably from the desert sun. He had a biker jacket and patches. He slept for the first 12 hours of driving.

Kelly smiled at him. She was single as was Nene. I held out hope for my husband who texted me he was heading South before the phones blinked out of existence. Kelly was petite, a red head in her mid-twenties. I’d call her beautiful. Fair skinned, blue eyes. Striking. Nene, my sister, had just turned 21. She was dirty blonde from Hawaii’s sun, tanned, thin with long limbs, like a ballerina. I was thick but the weight was coming off me. Curvaceous, despite how much I lose. Curly black hair and tanned skin, late 20s. We all began losing track of time. We rushed to Last Resort but we stopped frequently. It was a lot of mental stress to take on we tried to stop at places with beds, sleeping in a car made the fear too palpable.

Bubba was a good watch. He took care of us girls and let us sleep. He said he was fine with sleeping in the car. He did take advantage of the showers. Sometimes a shower can really bring humanity back to your skin.

After bubba joined us, the mood lightened, the jaws unclenched. I was no long white knuckled clinging to the steering wheel. Driving came natural to me it was a way to focus, to drown out the events of the weeks. It required focus.  I preferred that to the situation at hand. Kelly even began flirting, it was cute but made me miss my husband.

The virus was something no one had seen before. But isn’t that what they always say in the movies? Kelly and I were zombie movie fanatics, which is why when the TV started frantically describing a new outbreak spread by the blood and saliva of the infected, we fled. Immediately.  Nene cried when we told her what was happening.

“It’s zombies, basically,” I said to Nene.

“That shit doesn’t exist,” She replied angrily.

“What else would you call a virus that is spread through the blood and saliva of infected and regenerates the recently deceased?” Kelly wasn’t getting involved in this conversation.  I had to break it to Nene she was my blood.

“I don’t know but it can’t be zombies, that’s stupid, that’s not real.”

“Okay, but you believe in Rabies right?”

“Well yeah, but that’s dogs right?” Nene’s lips trembled.

“Well, it can spread to humans. It, too, is spread through bites and saliva and blood. It can take months for the virus to reach the brain but once it does it causes madness and death. Once you are showing symptoms of rabies, you’re a gonner. It’s a madness virus and there are several variations depending on the carrier and origin.”

“Okay, what does that have to do with this?”

“So you believe in rabies but not zombies? I just explained their similarities. If there’s a madness virus why can’t there be a zombie one? A virus passed through bites, blood and saliva, one that causes its host to forget themselves, forget their strength, forget their past?”

“Because Zombies aren’t real, they’re not,” she broke down to tears, “real.”

“I’m sorry Nene, I love you but the reality right now is that there is a virus that is out of control, which is killing people and changing them into something else. It’s rabies on steroids. It’s mad scientist rabies.”

She smiled a little at that.  We listened to the radio as things developed and progressed. Initially for the trip we had my dog Butch. He was a small 40-pound mutt but I loved him. I rescued him as a puppy and raised him for 8 years. He was the closest thing to a child I could perceive. I treated him as such. Before the outbreak he was at my side all the time, I could barely stand to take trips without him. The radio told us the virus could spread to animals. It appeared to be slightly picky about its hosts though. If its host was too weak or obese the virus would just kill the host and itself instead of turning them into an infected. The virus understood survival of the fittest. Good thing America was overweight right?

At our third stop for food and gas. We were surrounded by stray dogs, they were infected. Their hair was matted, their teeth stained red, but it was the eyes that would haunt you. The eyes were white, not bloodshot, not glassy they were white but they could see. It was the same with infected people white eyes but they knew your every move. The ones closest to Reno, anyways. We tried to fight them off.  Made a run for the car, we killed 5 or 6 of them.  My dog, Butch, didn’t make it. They ripped his throat out but he didn’t stay dead for long.

The first time I cried after the virus outbreak was when I had to smash my dogs head in with a baseball bat. As I brought the bat down, all I could picture was the times he curled up with me when I was sick, our jogs through nature, watching TV on the couch cuddling. Kelly had to drive after that for awhile. I shook and wailed and slept. I wished and hoped for my husband who had a Lani-Butch separation plan in place for when Butch passed. But nothing could prepare me for being the one to make him pass. I know it was just a dog, but it was my dog and that had made all the difference.

When the four of us finally made it to Last Resort there was a communal exhale.  The check points were extreme but once we got in and saw other actual living people, we cried for joy. The euphoria only last a few months. That small town had a weird effect on us. Kelly and Bubba started dating, well in a way it’s hard to “date” when you’re in a military town sharing a hotel with 600 people. A lot of us shared rooms. I slept in the conference room surrounded by people. The sound of people breathing, snoring even passing gas comforted me that they weren’t dead and neither was I.

The infected were closing in and Reno made it to Florida. The zombies had hit the fan.

Friday, September 30, 2011

To Be Continued ...

The crisp fall air punctuated the moment, an exclamation point with every sharp breath.

“What happened?” he squealed.

Her breathing was even, slow drags in and out off an invisible cigarette. Her heart rate didn’t elevate. But she had started out so fervent.
“Something was chasing me.” Flora said.

“Well what is it?” Jeremy asked. His voice was two pitches too high.

As Flora examined the broken bones and oozes that was once a creature she came to no definite conclusion.

“Something.”

“Well is it dead?” Jeremy had been driving the car, looking for flora when he struck the thing. Flora bolted when it showed its ugly mug to them the first time during an evening make out session in the woods. While in the backseat of a warm car, something shook the vehicle. Not aggressively, just slightly. Enough for Flora to notice, enough for her to wipe the condensation off the window and look outside. It was something, something unfathomable.

“Pretty sure it’s not getting back up, how fast were you going?” Flora exhaled and was delighted in the steam of her breath accenting the navy blue sky, illuminated by blaring headlights. It was like her breath was trapped by the headlights, unable to progress. She notices the thing produced no such vapor.

“Hey shouldn’t this carcass be giving off steam if it’s oozing like this?”

There were too many questions aimed at Jeremy and he couldn’t dodge them all. His mind raced and words came out in hurried breaths. Trying to get as much information out at a time.

“I was worried about you. I was driving pretty fast, wasn’t really paying attention.” He paused, pregnant. “It should be steaming. The flesh looks weird.”

Flora’s mind watched the carcass pump the last of its vital juices. She watched the hard, cold ground resist the poison before accepting and absorbing.

“I…” She thought how not to make Jeremy’s voice rise to yet an even higher decibel level. “I think it was dead before you hit it.” It sounded ludicrous leaving her lips.   

Jeremy’s mind went into overdrive and started rejecting her thoughts, she had no concern, maybe she was a part of it.

“What like someone just threw a dead thing in front of my car?” He put his hands involuntarily on his hips. “Oh no, wait, maybe it’s a remote control dead thing and someone is getting a rise out of us.”

He swiveled his hips, shrugged and made an annoying pppffffttt sound. Disbelief is a weird thing.

“Mocking me is not going to make this situation any less confusing.” Her voice was mellow, clinical. “Should we take it with us? Maybe take it to someone who can figure out what it is? It WAS following me.”

“I’m not putting that nasty thing in my car. Just leave it. We can bring someone back to it. It’s fairly large; I don’t think anything is going to take off with it.” It might have been a dog or a wolf, neither could place its face. Flora looked it dead in its milky whites but couldn’t place anything else.

“Okay, well then I guess we should probably get out of these woods. Would you mind taking me home?”

With senses returning and his high voice diminishing, Jeremy became focused, once again on Flora.

“Well, we just went through a traumatic experience, are you sure you don’t want to, maybe, talk about it or get a coffee.”

Flora glared at him,

“You truly have a penis, don’t you?” Her voice finally raised and curled and kicked with venom.

He laughed and tried to put his arms around her as they returned to the car.

Their voices were carried up and away, above the trees, the cold air compounding on it, crushing it, forgetting it.

“Don’t touch me,” Flora spat.

The car spitted and turned, started and moaned. The dead thing passed under its axles, untouched.  Headlights streamed, emphasized by the chill of air.  Dirt and rock crushed under slow moving tires. Dust was tossed and lost in the slight autumn breeze.

Night fell harder, becoming a consuming darkness. The car was long gone. The dead trees stirred as movement was found within them.

Eyes spied the dead thing, demolished by man and their machines.

“Lucky, what happened?” A deep voice uttered into the black. The voice reached down and scooped up the annihilated, indecipherable creature and cradling it to its chest, the voice sauntered back into the welcoming woods, back into the black.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Dealing with Rejection - From an aspiring writer’s perspective

***** I wrote this a long time ago as a mantra to remind myself and have a system in place for when I started submitting pieces. What this article does not mention is that print media is dying, all "writing" jobs require years of experience or pay you jack and you will eventually live a life in debt, alcoholism and working jobs that don't really afford you a career. *****


Not everyone is going to love your writing style; in fact there will be some people that will hate it. These are the cold hard facts of dipping your hand into writing. You may work hard and long on a piece only to have to thrown back at you with numerous red marks. You may get flustered that a piece didn’t come out the way you wanted it to, but then get compliments on a job well-done.

There is never an easy or clear way to know if what you did was exceptional. The key in writing is to learn from your mistakes. There are very simple measures to be taken before you can deem yourself worthy of a writer’s title.

  1. READ. You have to read to understand writing. Read everything, from magazine articles to novels to memoirs. Read articles on how to write, read articles on how to read. Read articles from magazines, newspapers especially journals you are even considering writing for.

There have been so many cases where a writer submits one of their favorite pieces to a magazine or journal only to have it thrown back at them, because it doesn’t fit the magazines persona. Unless you have your own magazine or journal you have to work your writing into the style and flavor of the proposed literary medium.

  1. STUDY. This does not mean to analyze your own writing, but instead to work with someone else more experienced than you to help you understand why that paragraph doesn’t work or why that sentence doesn’t make sense. Never let your eyes be the only eyes to read your piece before it is submitted.

Don’t just work with someone and make the corrections they suggest. Ask questions; understand why you need to change something why that opening lead doesn’t work, why your piece comes across as stiff and boring. Learn so you won’t do it again in the future.

  1. PROOFREAD. By the time you’re ready to submit a piece you should almost be able to recite it. You’ve got to read it over and over again until you’re so disgusted with the piece you’d almost rather set it on fire than submit it.

With proofreading it still helps to have numerous eyes reviewing your piece. Pass it around let professionals and friends read it. If it’s going to be published there will be a lot of different people from different backgrounds perusing it. So make sure everyone can understand the flow.

After you go through your own personal hell to submit a piece, don’t get offended if it gets returned to you and is deemed unfit for publication. Most big publications get so many submissions it’s very rare for anyone to get in depth comments about why their piece does not match the magazine or journal.
However, some people are out for blood and they will rip your piece to shreds. Once again don’t take it too personal, pull the constructive criticism from the nastiness.

In short, writing is a lot about growth, change and adaptation. Try not to take everything personal and develop your craft. It’s a hard, dirty, frustrating job, but somebody’s got to love to do it.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

United We Stand Divided We Fall

America is a country divided, grown too big for it's britches. What once was a horrific event that bonded us as a nation is, 10 years later, a dividing rod. People dismissing the event as a conspiracy, dismissing the event all together, denying the lives lost any compensation.

It sickens me that we were all once so close and now we all can't even agree on the Pledge of Allegiance. That was the best part of my day as a kid. I would still be groggy, rubbing sleep from my eyes when we'd get to stand up, get the blood flowing and with our hands over our hearts, heads held high, eyes zeroed in on the American flag we would announce:

I pledge allegiance
To the flag
Of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under God
Indivisible
With Liberty and justice for all.

I don't believe in God, sorry I was raised Catholic and rebelled. But I honestly don't take offense to the Pledge of Allegiance. You know why? Because it's history. I love history. I loved being a kid and being a part of something and I’m sad my kids won't have that connection. It would appear no American has that connection anymore. We are divided by the extremists and the crackpots, the devout and the anarchists, the elitists and the military. Our nation is a mess, tearing itself apart. We are divisible.

There is no unifying factor anymore. There is no one event, symbol or thought that will make people who recognize themselves as American stand up and take notice. A lot of people living in this country won't even recognize themselves as American. I doubt they'd stand up for the Anthem at a sports event and I'm doubtful children today even know the words or have any unifying connection to their country.

It's some weird Christianity effect. When the Christians were cornered by the Romans they would either deny their faith and live or stand up for their faith and die. I know a lot of people who travel to other countries and say they are Canadian instead of American to avoid the rolling eyes of other people.

How sad is that?

How sad is it to say you support our troops but want them home? That's an oxymoron. If you supported our troops you would support their endeavors. They are doing a job. A job they have to believe is good or else lose all hope. By demolishing what they are doing you are pulling the carpet out from under them. I support our troops, our police and our firefighters. I have been connected to various loved ones involved in all those veins of service.

I still don't understand why those who bang their drums and scream from the rooftops all that is wrong with this country won't move to another country. Armenia forces you into the military for 2 years if you're a male between 18-27 years old. Austria also makes it mandatory for males between 18-35 to serve in the military for a minimum of 6 months. Conscientious Objectors are not excused and must join the civilian service for 9 months minimum. Belarus requires men between the ages of 18-27 to serve for 18 months if they don't have higher education and 12 months if they do. Bermuda maintains it's local forces with a lottery of men between 18-32 who serve for 4 years. In beautiful Brazil you're required to serve 2 years of military service once you're a male who reaches the age of 18, granted there are a lot of exceptions to this rule. Columbia requires if you're a man between 18-24 that you serve 18 months, but you can also volunteer. In The Republic of Cyprus men aged 18-50 that are Greek Cypriot, Armenians, Latins and Maronites serve their country for 2 years and are forever considered reservists after their service. Conscientious Objectors can serve 33 months of unarmed army service or 38 months of community work. Denmark requires all able men usually between the ages 18-27 to serve for 4 months or longer though there are restrictions to this as well and men deemed fit can be called to service up until their 50th birthday. Egypt requires men between 18-30 to serve in their military for anywhere from 14 to 36 months. If you go to college you can postpone your service until after but if you wait until you are 30 it's to late and you have to pay a fine. The only exempt are the only males in a family, males supporting their parents or males with dual citizenship. Greece has mandatory military service for 9 months for men, Conscientious Objectors serve for 42 months in civilian service. Iran requires men once they reach 16 to serve a minimum of 16 months depending on their location in the country. Israel requires both men and women to serve. All Israel citizens at the age of 18 must serve - men for 3 years, women for 2 years. South Korea is also mandatory military at the age of 18 for males for 21 months Conscientious Objectors are imprisoned. Mexico now requires all males reaching the age of 18 to sign up for the military for one year, though the position in the military is done by lottery. Norway requires men between 18.5 and 44 to serve 19 months. Russia has a mandatory 12 months of service between 18-27 on a drafted basis but there are loopholes to getting out. In Singapore men 18-21 are required to serve for 24 months. Switzerland makes men do a series of military training and exercises in the military totaling 260 days for privates. Conscientious Objectors serve 390 days of volunteer work. In Turkey males between the ages of 20-41 serve 15 months for privates, 12 months for reserve officers and 6 months for short term privates. Conscientious Objection is illegal in Turkey. The Ukraine allow males to either serve in reserve officer training for 2 years or regular military service for one year.

So before you go bashing our country and our military know that our military service is voluntary and you should be happy you live in a country that allows the freedoms you so love to take for granted.

When the towers came down everyone in America should have taken notice. To see people jumping to their deaths to escape a worse fate. To see people covered in the ash of what was a part of the iconic skyline of New York City. To see the families destroyed, the lives lost, the city in tears should have pulled some heart string in every American. The fact that 10 years later, people want to discuss the lies, conspiracies and conditions surrounding the attacks is heartbreaking. We are a nation that does not stand as one, that cannot grieve together a loss. United We Stand. Divided We Fall.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Places I've lived (Ugh, Poetry)

Hawaii In Summer
The sun breaks in the mornings
It spills lemonade over broccoli
an egg cracked on the Ko’olaus
and fried over Koko Head
it’s gold, bright
I’d be a millionaire, billionaire
if only I could capture the gold in Hawaii’s sun.
It demands the stand-alone colors
to be vibrant, beautiful.
The mountains are emeralds
the plumerias rubies
the sky sapphires
the ocean blue topaz, aquamarine

Birds chirp too loudly
sing with full-breasted songs.
The world is naked
revealed in this blinding white light.

Oceans grow warm in the heat
The sun thaws the heart,
forces love to the surface.
When setting,
the sun submerges itself quickly, turning
orange, tangerine, mango, disappearing
fast behind the horizon leaving only
scattered colors of tanzanite, red, orange, pink
in its wake.
Then you sit as waters turn dark and wait
for a flash of green to bring you home.

Nights are spread out, long, lazy
purple. The sky is plum with diamonds
and it moves, it sways like the trees.
Look up, blink, it’s different.

Hawaii is precious stones.
The words live in the breeze there.
It’s sticky, muggy, lovely words.
This is for you,
my first home, my heart.


North Carolina In Winter
Coastal North Carolina at sunset,
is like an upside down bowl, a colorful dome resting
over the hard surface
of roads and highways, cold earth.
The lip of the bowl is dusty
pink, a cliché rose color.
the bottom of the bowl is deep
blue, like the Pacific ocean.
Between the pink and the blue there are layers
Up from the pink are thin
almost indecipherable colors:
purple, orange, red, gold.
The blue covers most of the bowl,
ocean blue, turquoise, baby blue, cerulean.
Hues of Blues.
The sun has a tendency to shine red
setting the top half of the pine trees on fire.
There is a random star, perhaps a sliver of moon.

After the sun sets
and the sky is newly dark.
The crisp air makes things too vivid
surreal
The sky goes beyond dark.
It’s a sucking black.
Fading flickers of wannabe stars sputter and die
street lights illuminate everything but
at the same time nothing, soft colors.
Noise is amplified,
Car doors slam and echo
A sigh is heard by the universe.
The chill is deafening, numbing
Freezes up your heart, keeps it still for a moment.

In early morning before the sun rises
before it looks like there will ever be a sun again.
After the sucking black
has relaxed into a state of comfort.
The stars come out.
Too many, blinking on and off.
Then there is the thumbnail of moon
The hiding shy moon, just over the pine trees.

This is my poetry for North Carolina,
sky bowls and moon nails.
This is what I write for you,
my new home, my South by the sea.


Washington in Fall
Crisp like a brilliant red apple,
Doesn’t describe
Your sharp breath and witty repertoire.
Mornings are vibrant,
The air, a magnifying glass
Turning sunrises into pyrotechnic displays
Of creamsicles, blueberries, raspberries and the decadent blackberries.
The morning churns and spits out
ferries on their daily commute,
fog, a thick blanket
covering the roads
swaddling the cars in motherly love.

The day amasses the shades of gray clouds
Startling reds, oranges, yellows fill the trees’ hungry branches
With shoots of evergreens in-between.
The sky falls to weeping purples,
stars like thumbtacks,
Trying to break through.

City lights skylines reflect over still salt waters.
The stars have fallen
Creating architecture of neon,
Leaning towers of strong mountains
Hilly roads of old spirits.

This is for you my found paradise.
My snow covered mountains and salt water haven
Creamsicles and motherly love,
I have made my home within you.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Definition of Blog

 
According to the Oxford Dictionary a “blog” is a personal website or web page on which an individual records opinions, links to other sites, etc. on a regular basis.

Some key words to pull from that – personal and opinions – a blog is something that took me years to be convinced was a good thing. I thought blogs were fads and they would slowly fade out. But they haven't and though I hate the name of them, I decided to start one (or two) to better exercise my demons.

I actually liked my wedding and created a blog to discuss my Hawaiian roots, my love for my furry caramel shadow and wedding frustrations, ideas and enjoyments. Working for a wedding company I come across a lot of really cool ideas for wedding and just having a wedding helped me to utilize some nifty things. I also use this blog to vent about the frustrations and issues I had with planning to help any bride-to-be out with their upcoming nuptials. If you don't like me being open and honest about my experiences or you think I'm not being grateful or respectful here's the beauty of blogs, you don't have to read it. This blog is about me and while it is open to comments and I do appreciate hearing peoples thoughts (I love a good debate when it's backed by facts), if you find my personal opinions, thoughts and emotions to be rude, overbearing or “too much,” you can click that little red “x” in the upper right corner and read no further.

My second blog is dedicated to my writing. It's where I'll be throwing up my thoughts on my writing career, my ideas, even some short stores or perhaps dreaded poems. While I do like receiving comments and I will not turn down anyone’s suggestions on writing skills, tactics or a good site for telecommute jobs, please do not tell me what I should be doing with my life. Please do not advise me on how to better my life and that I can reach my goals if I only believe and, you know, actually try.

The truth: I love my life. My life is freaking rad! I just married a amazingly, perfectly weird and wonderful man, I have a pooch who is my life, I have a job that takes care of me and has provided endearing, wonderful friends and I have a life outside of work full of family, friends, concerts, movies, comic books and love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

It's my blog and I'll vent if I want to. Let me throw my pity party, bridezilla explosion or wailing wisdom around and get it out of my system.

Thank You.

What’s in a Degree?

I find going to school to be a great privilege and opportunity. I have two degrees an Associates and a Bachelor’s. I’m a little obsessed with school. I would love my masters. More importantly I’d love to go back to school for 5 years and get my J.D. and get my masters in intellectual property law. I have lofty goals (still intact).

My major is in English, my minor creative writing. It took me years to settle. I initially was shooting for psychology then it turned to marine biology and finally rested on the haunches of English. I would have preferred journalism, but it wasn’t offered at the closest university where I was living at the time. I drove an hour and a half one way for 2 years to finish my bachelors. That defines my dedication to school.

One of the few pictures of me actually doing what I love.
My degree has not allowed me any jobs – my reporter jobs were brief, my magazine jobs were short-lived. I am not an editor or a reporter or even a copywriter; I am a writer only because I choose to be one. I’ve sat back and heard one of my cousins mock me. Heard her tell my aunt that she thinks an English degree is a useless degree. That if her kids chose English as a major she wouldn’t pay for their college.

It’s a dark time for those who think the pen is mightier than the sword. With no jobs out there and even less jobs in journalism, making headway towards a career has been slow and painful. Whenever I think I’ve gained a footing on my career I slip and fall back down into the canyon of wannabe writers. Unless you have experience, there seems to be no starting footholds in advertising, reporting, writing, newspapers, etc. Sure, you can intern but at 27 and a newlywed, I need to be able to pay my bills. I have an insane work ethic, being without a job makes me uncomfortable. 

When I expressed to my husband that I was upset that I’m 27 without a career, He told me to get one.   Like let’s go grocery shopping, bananas or apples? He told me to get a career and not let them fire me. I started crying.

From FailBlog.org - http://work.failblog.org/
It seems like the only option for English majors if you can’t make it in the advertising, publishing or journalism field is to get your masters and teach. Here is the problem, I’m not a teacher. I don’t want to be one. That is the one career path I put dynamite near the opening cave mouth and destroyed.

So what’s left? Keep working low-paying jobs trying to etch out a career? Quit? Go back to school? Whatever may come all I need is for it to pay the bills and not destroy me with soul crushing boredom, bad scheduling and harsh coworkers.